The Door

The bedroom door has always creaked,
though more of a squeak in the early days.
Should have dealt with it then, a bit of tender
 

loving care, a spot of oil here and there
would have gone a long way. Not a problem
in the day, all the noise and bustle,
 

just at night, when the kids are asleep
and quietude creeps that it disturbs.
It’s the hinges you see,
 

been corroding for some time. Rust – just
sneaks up on you from behind, and suddenly
it’s everywhere.

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19 Comments

Filed under Free Verse, Tercets

19 responses to “The Door

  1. I love the simplicity of the conversational wording on this. It made me think of Neil Young’s superb album ‘Rust Never Sleeps’.
    I think it could allude to aging, but then it could allude to anything that is shaped by time.
    There is a hint of regret at not taking more loving care which may have prevented the ongoing situation, but ends with acceptance and perhaps some whistfulness into how a little bit of rust can expand until the metal underneath is totally hidden.
    Absolutely stunning Julie.

  2. I love the fact that you created a “third space” with the metaphorical rusted hinges on this relationship-door. There’s a softness, an understanding that perhaps one could simply take the door off, hang a vibrant curtain and redefine all the parameters.

    Poignant reminder that a little tender loving care in the Now is worth grocery-sacks full of “cure” in the aftermath.

    • I really like the curtain idea, I might have to pinch that if I may and use it for Door #2.

      Thanks for the great feedback and that little spark of inspiration.

  3. Same with a relationship–those little, innocuous squeaks that can so easily be overlooked, can become obnoxious, bothersome squawks if left unattended. I enjoyed this very much.

  4. nice agree with Ti on the hinges, nice hook…would drop the has in the opening line as is makes it more passive…some good wisdom swizzled in as well…really like this piece…

    • Thanks Brian and great call on ‘has’. I wrote this a couple of years ago but whipped it out this afternoon when I was looking for something appropriate to post in relation to the article. I pared it down a lot (can’t believe how much my approach to writing has changed in two years) but I missed that little bugger – consider ‘has’ a ‘has been’. I love the word ‘swizzled’.

  5. i much like the subtleness with which you touch this topic julie..the small beginnings, only realized first when everything gets quiet and in the end everything could be destroyed if we’re not careful. excellent and i second bri with the “has” in the opening

    • Thanks Claudia. Yes I think it is possible in poetry for a metaphor to be subtle and yet fairly clear at the same time. I felt I’d got it right with this one, it just needed a bit of a trim this afternoon to lick it into shape.

  6. Evocative poem, Julie– a lovely extended metaphor for love– xj http://parolavivace.blogspot.com

  7. Interesting! I never thought an irritation that bugs us at odd moments could be spun beautifully into such a beautiful verse. The keen poet sense is skillfully shown here. And it may not even demand high flown vocab. Brilliant!

    Hank
    (P/S my take fits the bill?)

  8. Aida

    I hear the door noise, Julie… that’s why I leave my door open. That way, I only hear footsteps 😉
    Love this, love you xx

  9. I think you licked this one into fine shape. Very tight, a simple squeek of a start and the ramifications of no tending to it. A fine example you set for us. Just please be kind with me when u get to mine. 🙂

    http://henryclemmons.wordpress.com/2011/08/18/red-petals/

  10. Thank you for the example… I always need to be shown instead of told… and even then, usually more than once or twice. Thank you for your work here… it’s so fun to be a part of this. I’m not a critique(er)… I just play one at home with my kids… but I loved “it’s the hinges you see.” …and I think even the way you said “you see” is what grabbed me the most. You said so much without saying it… maybe I’m starting to get it.

  11. I really like the softness and the exquisite rhythm (rolls off the tongue) contrasted by the bigger, darker, unspoken problem. Lovely! Well done!
    Amy Jo

  12. I like the way the words sneak up on you like the rust they describe. For me, this the story of a neglected marriage. By the time you notice, it’s too late

  13. b_y

    Enjoyed those little (don’t know the appropriate term) stealth rhymes. I like the feel of this, a little rueful and just a touch annoyed. A door makes a nice emblem of those things all around and ignored while we can ignore them.

    Couple of petty things:
    In the first tercet, “early days” is a common expression for the once upon a time past. In the second. “in the day”, which is a different generation’s version of that, now refers to dayLIGHT.
    I like the light, conversational tone, and I’m only noticing this because it’s something of a project to root out of my own writing, but there are a lot of common phrases in here. early days, dealt with it, tender loving care, spot of oil, etc. You alter that in the third tercet, appropriately, given the subject, but return to commonplaces for the end. I’d like to see a fresher turn for the finish.

    As someone who’s in the process of falling apart, house and body, from leaving things unoiled, I can relate to this.

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