A Lesson in Anatomy

Study the
back;  the smooth brown
skin, tiny cluster of moles just below the
left shoulder blade. Study the back; blonde
hair falling into tendrils, sneaking,
snaking, escaping, cascading
over  bare  shoulders.
Study the back; see
the way it curves
into a tiny waist
and out again to form
soft round hips.  Study the
back;  relish it, until every tiny
detail is burned into your brain
Study the back; treasure it,
cherish it, or watch it
walk away.

 


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20 Comments

Filed under Free Verse, Poetry

20 responses to “A Lesson in Anatomy

  1. Very sensual and extremely clever form. Befitting of a good back!

  2. Sorry for butting in on a question but I think brain works well as a word here, it’s not like you’ve used a medical term like hypothalamus or frontal cortex…I also quite enjoyed the flow created by the -ing words. Gives a sense of security through the piece.

    Diolch Carys!

  3. Oh never apologise for giving feedback Shan, I really appreciate it. I only directed the question to Luke because we know one another from elsewhere and he always gives me straight crit. I’ve only just started getting involved in the blog scene and I’ve been quite surprised that there isn’t more constructive crit. I like ‘brain’ for the assonance with ‘burned’ When Hugo mentioned it I thought about changing it to ‘mind’ but I was wanting the piece to accelerate a bit towards the sting at the end and felt ‘mind’ was too soft a word. I’m still not sure about the -ing words, will think on that one a bit more. Thanks again.

    Carys

  4. waystationone

    oh…the sting…i might just have to run after her…smiles. nice one shot…

  5. JTW

    *catches breath* marvelous. i’ll be back.

    🙂

  6. waystationone

    on sending the poem on…go for it…humbled.

  7. dustus

    Fierce! in a good way. To throw my 2 cents @ the question you pose. Think the -ing suffix repetition works very well, especially b/c it’s only in that line. Repetitions of 3 work well for some reason in writing, even in comedy punchlines and speech writing. Excellent work both literally and visual 🙂

  8. oh this is beautiful – such a lot of shape in the shape….n i c e …!!

  9. Walk away you say? You don’t make it easy.

  10. Oh wowww.. I sure relished this one!! 🙂 And I am NOT walking away either.. heheh
    Loved the way you created that shape with words… really beautifully done!!

    Love and hugs to you..

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