Carnal Alter

As hormones rage our senses re-adjust,
and heighten double-baggers’ fuck appeal;
this fumbling mess that masquerades as lust


can leave us all with flashbacks of disgust.
Cheap beer-shaped goggles cloud, our judgment keels,
as hormones rage our senses re-adjust;


above waist action – useless, it’s the thrust
that gets us nought to sixty but reveals
this fumbling mess that masquerades as lust.


Come morning light, on brunettes we’re not fussed
and yet by night, our preferences concealed;
as hormones rage our senses re-adjust,


coherent thought spontaneously combusts.
As sharp grey matter puddles and congeals
this fumbling mess that masquerades as lust


just leaves our standards flailing in the dust.
Before the carnal altar we all kneel,
as hormones rage our senses re-adjust
this fumbling mess that masquerades as lust.



Filed under Villanelle

13 responses to “Carnal Alter

  1. Those double baggers will get you in trouble! Nice write!

  2. Please forgive me if I’m a bit editorial – but of many villanelles I’ve read today, I think this one has the most amazing potential. The choice of rhyme words is just aching with possibility, the vocabulary is expressive, and the story progression you’ve put in place is an excellent map to where you’re going. There are flashes of intense brilliance in the humor – I think the humor is the key, which can make this poem unique, actually – and if you can heighten this, the poem will be fantastic.

  3. Gay

    What an amazing capture and completely true. Really think the last three stanzas capture something so pulsating and real. Your rhymes and form – perfect. Excellent write. Gay

  4. oh my – i forgot the form while reading your poem..very, very good julie – but that’s what i expected and i totally agree with semaphore – this is fantastic

  5. Well-written, moralistic piece.

  6. A villanelle many of us relate to with a vague memory of a drunken haze. A night or two that ‘masquerades as lust’ 🙂 I like it a lot! 🙂 Was it worth the long night of forgotten paperwork. (facebook..I believe this is the one)

  7. I enjoyed this one. As others have mentioned, it is nice that the form slips into the background because the flow of the poem takes over and leads us.

  8. ok what is villanelle? i know google it right? lol read it again great stuff

  9. im not hip to form (heck just learned from river what a stanza was ) but this is a great read humorous and real life writing at its best ty !!

  10. We’re all learning from one another tommy, that’s what’s so great about poetry. Thanks for the lovely comment, really appreciate it.

  11. I almost wet myself laughing first time I read this, I don’t pretend to be an expert on poetry but I know what I like, and without critique, we don’t learn. I’ve read it many times since and I’ve learnt so much from the flow. Hormones have a lot to answer for eh?

  12. Brendan

    Satire and celebration in the same tightly-measured fool’s romp. Reverie through “beer-shaped goggles” does make the upper worth of wildness all too dim.

  13. Thanks for the feedback all.

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